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Thursday, 24 November 2011

Looking to the future

Good morning my lovely's,

I'm hoping this is a happier blog post (My blog posts are rather like a very fast rollercoaster and I am more than happy to get off it now, care to join me?

Over the past few days I've been dealing with some internal issues with my own self. Today I woke up not feeling a fill of dread within me but of hope, I saw a tiny glimmer of daylight ahead and I'm hoping that I am soon out of the tunnel and into the daylight.

I realised last night that I am not the usual fun and bubbly me when I talk to my very dear friends and family and this is down to me, no one else. I realised that I'd become bogged down so heavy in green slimy *everyday* sludge that I couldn't move and couldn't see MY WORLD as it truly is. I was holding onto a memory of the past and assumed that that is the way things should be now and for always. I had come to believe that my world should stay the same...the very thing that I teach to others to Un-Believe! A little bit of pot-kettle-black I think!

So gladly I have broke through that greem slimy sludge and realised just how life and my lack of attention had changed MY WORLD within and without. I am now on day 8 of my day off from teaching at a school (I needed this break!) and I am slowly untangling the mess that I've created over the past couple of years, but more so this year in particular.

I haven't been very attentive to the relationships that matter to me most. I have let my relationship with my Mother slip due to being far too tired to even commit to normal conversation, my relationship with my Sister has become, in my opinion empty at times as I am quite simply, NEVER THERE! This saddens me so much, so so much. I love my Mother and my Sister more than life itself and to think that I have been neglecting them, ignorning them and the thought of not being there for them, quite honestly makes me feel nauseous.
The thing that bugged me the most was that I was hell bent on complaining at the changes within my relationships. Well, of course relationships are going to change!! (im saying this to myself by the way!) It's a good thing that my relationship has changed with my sister, I should embrace it! My only real concern is that as it changes we may grow too far apart :( That is my biggest fear. I know it may sound silly, but I do fear that.
I am going to try my hardest to change this, but I know to begin with I'm going to feel all wierd and transparent where I think that "oooo they know that im trying to get on top of things here" Maybe that's not such a bad thing cause at least then they will know that I am trying.

It's rather strange that before I had all these feelings I had a dream where My sister and I were in America drinking in a old fashioned saloon bar, something like in the 1920's and then later in the dream we stepped out of the bar which had been converted into apartments and we were in present day reality. (When I say 'present day' I mean it was sometime in the future...perhaps 4-5 years maybe) and We walked to Central Park and we were holding a Spirituality Fayre mostly connected to Angels, Faeries and Ascension. It was like a proper Mind Body and Spirit fayre but outdoors in the glorious sunshine. We were holding workshops together and seperately and also we were launching our very own Faerie themed oracle cards. My fabulously talented sister had created the imagery herself and I had created the messages and interpretations. The one workshop I saw us leading was where we were teaching the participants to work with our cards and the faeries.

When I told this dream to my Sister, she was like ~ We are going to be huge in America! She did say something else too, but I can't remember what exactly, I have a mind like a sieve. But I hope she still feels this way? I would love us to collaborate together on a project, that would just be amazing <3 So I am going to keep aiming for that...Hopefully we'll all be feeling much happier soon. I have never been to the USA before, but I would like to go one day...mainly for the *Sex and the City* Tour haha, but I'd also like to visit ...forgot the name!! (Told you, brain like a sieve!) So, the last word I'd like to say i'll let *a picture paint a thousand words* to those I love and to whom this blog post is dedicated to;

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