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Tuesday, 22 November 2011

Healing the Past in the Present.

Im writing a book about my spiritual journey and one thing thats happening throughout my writing right now is that I'm having to exume my past from the Grave I quite happily placed it in. In one way i don't mind because it will help people realise how I got to the place I am today (which is no where magnificent I must warn you), but if I could chose to not go there I really wouldn't need showing twice the diversion.

Many of the issues that are coming to the surface in my writing are also coming to the surface in my own life, my thoughts and feelings are awakening again and have time travelled back there. I don't recommend it. But it must mean that I havent healed from that time in my life. So I have to try and work through these issues once and for all, 'cause I never want to have these feelings unearthed again.

What is "that time" in my life I hear you ponder, well it's my teen years, before I lost my Dad. Literally those two years that were spent at high school before I was home tutored. Basically I was bullied in my eyes quite badly, my own friends literally turned on me, it all happened like switching on a light, I was able to see and to be honest the view was not pretty. Suddenly my closest friends who had travelled with me through Nursery, Infant, Junior school and then expanded into a bigger groups of friends in High School, they suddenly turned on me. I was seeing people that I thought I knew, and I no longer knew them at all. To think you know someone and have that illusion ripped away is awful. It really makes you question yourself.

Anyway, over the years after completely losing my confidence and self esteem, I thought I'd laid those ghosts to rest. I've recieved to appologies from those friends who meant the most to me, the others, well to be honest, they can go to hell for all I care. I literally don't allow them to bother me at all. One of those friends who appologised to me, is still now a really good friend of mine, we're rebuilding that friendship we had. We're finding that we've changed...I think she had the biggest shock to find out Im a psychic witch who believes and talks to faeries (Haha, even I want to laugh).

I don't think im still hurting from who did what to me, I think it's the actual process of how it happened. the sudden change...perhaos not such a sudden change, perhaps they'd been changing from the person I knew into who they became long before I even realised. That's my theory. That's why I think it was such a shock. It was because I had allowed myself to only see what I wanted to see not what was actually there to be seen? Or was it? Could it have been that they weren't willing to show me who they truely were until they were ready to come out of the closet? Were they a werewolf that I'd only seen in daylight that I happened to have caught at midnight on the off chance?

You can tell I'm a lover of Twilight hey?

But seriously, those exact issues have come to the surface again, and I KNOW it's because I need to work on those issues. I don't know how, and I don't know why. I might just blame Mercury retrograding or even better, the Waning Moon that just so happened to bring up all this baggage for me to release, and heal.

Thanks for reading everyone, it's nice to finally get it out properly and begin to process it.

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