This is my second attempt of writing this blog, so if it's rubbish which it will be, its the internets fault for deleated the first one! or it's sods law according to me!
Well, I dont know how I began it... probably moaning.
I was debating which uni degree to do that last time I blogged, and I have decided on a Arts and Humanities one. At the moment though I am about to begin a psychology course, the one I was in the process of cancelling for a finance one. The Uni sent me the psychology course books and I bloody love them. Universe? I dont know about that. (faiths fallen).
life???? well.... I'm pissed off to be truthful. I feel cursed. No seriously. I do.
My life was fabulous when I was first at college studying for my accountancy qualifications, I was sooo bloody happy, I mean ...SERIOULSY happy. I didnt need anything or anyone... But I met DAVE...the idiot. And he helped screw it all bloddy up. I'm doing my degree and working at the school which I need to give up. its sapping me of everything I am, but i'm not happy. I need to live my dream...which was to be an accountant....
This blog is pointless.... it's not as good as the first one...
Forget it. It don't matter.
I don't trust people. I really dont. I stems from when I was threatened with my life at school. My friends, about 15 of them just set on me. I lost my confidence, self esteem, everything. I was pulled out of school, taught at home because I was too scared to leave the house. Every day i'm slowly getting stronger...until I have a day like now, and it knocks me. I am very prone to depression. I can get it in the flick of a switch. When I get it, life is really bad. I start to hate myself. I can really get quite negative. Triggers can be anything. Liek this stupid internet deleting a blog post has set me off!
I had a dream when I was 8 years old to be an accountant, have loads of money, handsome husband, nice house, cars, buy myself a yacht, a villa in Italy. Kids, private school etc. But as a teaching assistant,... I cant have that. So I feel I need to try and get back to my accounting somehow. It scares the hell out of me, the thought of getting back there. But I need to try.
I just want to be worthy!, I dont feel worthy anymore. Im trying. but i've lost the real me. The whole 100% me. Im trying to get her back but I cant find her. I don't know where she is.
I'M NOT WHO I WANT TO BE, IM NOT WHERE I WANT TO BE, OR DOING WHAT I WANT TO DO.
so when "The Witch Inside" doesn't blog for a while... its best to let her babble, bubble, boil and then simmer... or else she could just spill grime everywhere.