I promised you all an update, so here it is.
At the moment I am sitting in my garden thinking about my life, which is all I seem to do at the moment, and thinking about what i've learnt from the book im reading called "Cosmic Ordering for beginners". The main thing I've leanrt and am beginning to accept is that I need to love myself (not in a egotistical way) and truly believe that I am worthy of goodness in order to be in the mindset to recieve goodness and love. Slowly but surely I'm beginning to like myself, love parts of myself, seeing my sensitivity as a positive thing, and also take steps to show the positive sides of my curvaceous figure.
I do still have doubts enter my mind, doubts that question whether or not I shall recieve what I desire, did Mr Plumber turn up as an answer to my cosmic order?? 95% truly believes he is my cosmically ordered soulmate, but 5% of myself doubts that. I know these doubts need to go becuase when I have a positive thought about it, it lasts 30 mins or so... the negative, doubtful thought can last hours....I need to combat it. At times I begin to dismiss the negative by thinking thoughts such as; "Everything corresponds to your list you created.... just trust it", "I am the creator of my life.... I can make it happen", etc. Now I'm not saying that I can make Mr Plumber fall in love with me, I wouldn't even try. But what I am saying to the Universe is that, if he is my cosmically ordered soulmate.... I'm ready to accept him.
I do keep going over and over our encounters... and the only conclusion I can come to from our behaviour, conversations, and actions... is that not seeing each other for 9 weeks.... has as the saying goes "Distance makes the heart grow fonder". It;s proved to me really that he wasn't just flirting 9 weeks ago, as he came back, and he still persisted with the fact that he likes me, and was by far the most caring and sweetest I've known.... example: I was being slightly moody with him and he said quite sternly..."What have I done to upset you, I want to know what i've done," I said "Do you?" (actually wanting to know if he actually cared, to which he replied "Yes", I then asked him how long he had for me to tell him, then he said quite lovely, "As long as it takes." I melted... LOL pathetic huh? well its how he makes me feel. I thought, if you want to know what has upset me and you're willing to say you'll make as much time as is needed.... you'd really work at our relationship, you'd be there.
Well, thats the ramblings of my thoughts.... thanks for reading.